Hi guys! I hope everyone is well and finding some happiness in their lives. I thought I’d give you all an update. Once again, nothing earth shattering. Which in retrospect after the last two or three years for all of us isn’t such a bad state of affairs. I’m trying to adopt a new philosophy of “being” instead of constantly “trying.” The trying was just too much for me. I was constantly stressing myself out. I was constantly feeling like I should be figuring out what’s next, what am I supposed to be doing in the next chapter of my life, how can I put myself out there for more human contact, basically how can I make myself better or healed so to speak?
I’ve had a couple rough patches this spring/summer. Depressive times that have caused me to retreat into myself, unable to interact with the world. Every interaction I have is still, and may always be, my own psyche’s championship game of fuck around and find out. Literally every interaction that I have has potential for an emotional disaster. Totally on me. The subject of a future post that I’ve titled “It’s not you, it”s me.” I painstakingly choose the most neutral entertainment possible. True crime for whatever reason is a solid standby. Something someone says, a look, a song, pretty much anything can crumble me in a nanosecond no matter how great my day is going. And once I’m crumbled, well then it’s going to be a while.
But this is what I wanted to share with you all today; not the sadness I’ve experienced over this part of my journey but the amazing things it has allowed me to discover.
I always assume that you as readers know all about me but just in case you don’t, our nest is set on a lake in the woods at the end of a dirt road in the beautiful state of Maine. It’s literally everything you are picturing right now and more. It’s heavenly.
We always had bird feeders in the winter but rarely filled them through the summer months. Most were positioned out in the yard away from the house. As Mister’s health declined and we were spending more and more time here, well I guess you could say that the bird feeders multiplied. I got a couple that attached to the big picture windows on the front of the house so he could still enjoy watching them even as his mobility declined. Of course we had to keep filling them through the warm months because we love our birds.
It’s just become a thing here now. Filling the feeders and putting out seed and corn for my ground feeders is one of the first “chores” I do in the morning. I usually turn the tea pot on and get to work. It’s one of my grandson’s favorite things to do here. We call it our restaurant and all the creatures are our customers. There are always customers waiting no matter how early we open.
Last winter a red bellied woodpecker started tentatively coming to the feeder. I had to look her up because I wasn’t sure what she was and honestly had never heard of woodpeckers coming to feeders. But sure enough, that’s what she is. She comes almost every day but continues to be skittish, flying off at the first sight of me or any movement at all near the windows. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the living room, back to the windows when I hear a loud “twang, twang, twang” like some plucking guitar strings behind me. So I turn around to see a woodpecker on my window screen plucking away at it! As soon as I stood up they got spooked and flew off. I was able to get a close enough look to know it wasn’t our regular customer because this one didn’t have the colorful red head cap. Next day, same thing. It got me wondering if it was adolescent because of the weird behavior coupled with the grey head.
Day 3 my sidekick was here with me. We were out in the yard on the hammock and he said ” Nana, the woodpecker is at the feeder.” I looked up to see our new friend fly from the feeder to a nearby hemlock to……..our regular customer woodpecker waiting and watching over them. Then I knew, our regular customer was teaching her new offspring that our home was a safe place to come feed. I was humbled and touched in such a deep way by this. Upon further research I’ve learned that this is the mom that’s been coming based on the full red cap that covers her head although both parents apparently care for the eggs, chicks, and then help teach the adolescents how to survive on their own. Mother and kid have both been at the feeder daily since although I’m not sure if they’re together or separate now as I’ve only seen them from inside the house and I know there’s a limited time before said child is thrust out in the world on their own. But honesty, it just fills me with such peace to be part of their journey through life.
Next up is our duck customers but we need some other introductions first. I had gotten in the habit of “spilling” extra seed on the ground whenever I fill the window feeders. It’s really for a couple different reasons. First it was for the squirrels and chipmunks. I mean, we all need to eat, right? And these little mofos will do whatever it takes including somehow getting into my window feeders to make sure that happens. Which is quite a feat if you could see how they’re positioned. I’ve also accumulated quite a bevy of mourning doves. That’s a good word isn’t it? Bevy, that’s actually what a group of doves is called and I appreciate you giving me a reason to use it. My bevy, there’s at least 20 of them. They come every day and prefer to ground feed which, now that that I’ve seen them try to perch and eat from a window feeder, I totally get. Doves are sweet, beautiful and make the most soothing coos but one thing that they are not is graceful. They’re not exactly precision flying machines if you get my drift. But I love them equally so on the ground goes the seed for my bevy. They have come to trust this place enough that they sheltered under the overhang of the house on top of my wood pile during several winters storms this last season. Imagine, feeling all warm and fuzzy after finding bird poops all over your wood pile after a nor’easter.
But anyway, what about those ducks? So maybe 6 weeks ago or so I was sitting in my chair over by the front windows, you know, the ones with the bird feeders. I have my chair positioned so that it’s no more than a couple feet from one of the feeders but the birds can’t see me as they’re coming in. It’s funny, some are very skittish and others give not one single fuck if I’m sitting right there. Chickadeees? I’m here to tell you that they are fearless. They will fly within an inch of your face for one tiny seed. Other birds such as the loud, bully blue jays will sit in branches and wait for me to move before coming in. Anyway, this particular day when I stood up I startled two ducks that were at the ground feed area checking out my offerings. So obviously that left me no choice but to go get some dried corn for them to have available the next day. So now we’re a thing. It’s actually three ducks now, two females and one male. No judgement from me, ducks. A family is what you make it. I love watching them waddle their butts up the hill quacking away and later sunning themselves on the tree that came down in the lake after their bellies are full.
Other creatures that I’ve bonded with are dragon flies. I’ve always been kind of middle of the road about them. They’re beautiful at a distance, creepy af up close. I know they eat mosquitoes so, like my spiders, I try to have a mutual respect kind of relationship with them. Like in a “Yay! you’re here. Please don’t touch me” kind of way. But then one morning I was heading back in the house from my morning patrol (we’ll get to that more later) to find two dragonflies stuck in a spider web. They were newly stuck, still alive. One was barely stuck. I pulled that one out and could very easily get the webbing out as it was only stuck on the legs and tail. The other one was barely moving and was much more entrenched in the webbing. So after standing outside with this poor thing an inch from my face with my readers on, I decided I needed tools. I was afraid to put him down while I went inside. They are so light and with his wings trapped I was afraid he would blow away and I’d never find him again. So we came in the house together and retrieved some tweezers and a pair of iris forceps. Back on the porch I once again sat with this tiny creature an inch from my face, readers on, and carefully removed each piece of web from his legs, wings, and body. I put him on the porch railing and after a brief motionless moment I watched him fly off to his dragonfly life.
I’m growing some things too, guys. Don’t get too excited. It’s not like a farm or really even a garden for that matter. Between our brown thumbs and the acidic soil from our pine and hemlock trees we’ve never had any luck growing things. Grass is even tough. Last year I started some seedlings with my little buddy as a Nana Day project and then got some raised garden beds to plant them in. I think we got a few tomatoes and a couple peppers but it was fun anyway. This year I was away for a little over two weeks during seedling season. I knew there wasn’t any point in getting them going as they’d just die while I was gone. So once it was planting season I had a “drag your ass out of the house for your mental health” day and went to my local garden center. I went intending to get flowers and somehow ended up also coming home with several vegetable seedlings. So there you go. Now I’m growing shit. And I think I’m actually going to get some vegetables this year! I had to go get trellises for my cucumber vines that were trying to take over the world. I’m currently obsessed with them. I can’t get over how they’ve flourished since I added the trellises and check on them several times each day. I have several tiny peppers of different varieties, multiple baby zucchini, and a couple dozen green tomatoes. I’ve noticed that since I put my potted sunflowers closer to my vegetables that more bees and a couple different types of butterflies have been pollinated my plants. So obviously now I’ve been studying ways to attract more pollinators for next year. I’m also planning more and different ways to configure my raised beds for next year to maximize my little homestead ( I know. Calm down, right?)
I’ve taken to sauntering around my yard several times a day usually with a cup of tea in hand checking on all my friends; the animals, the plants, the bugs. I haven’t even mentioned the wild blueberries, blackberries, and my grapes. I talk to them all and to Mister too. In my mind I’m like Snow White, flitting about the yard whispering softly to my woodland friends.When in reality any sane person would see a backside of middle aged mismatched tie dye, Bog boot with shorts, def flannel even in the summer, 50/50 bra wearing lunatic talking to herself and possibly needing a mental health check and/or shower. But such is life. This is me for now, in the after.
There’s so much sadness in the world right now. Be kind to one another, check on your friends, and do what you have to do to stay alive.